Well, here goes with the second book of ‘I am GoD: Revelations’. In the paperback form the story opens with the last chapter of Connecting and (at the back of the book the words and explanation from a song I wrote a long time ago). These were added simply to fill the spine of the book, as at the time the PDF layout was larger than that of Connecting.
Why? I have no idea. It just happened, somewhere in translation (smile). And to cut a long story short, it hasn’t changed since.
I have grown accustomed to this ‘error’ and now, writing about it, I kind of like the idea of the adding the last chapter… helps the reader remember where the story left off, and (privately, for myself adding the lyrics of an old song. I have quite a lot of old songs. If I want to have a song per book, I guess I am going to have to write a lot faster than what I do, at present. It is also quite interesting to explain their creation and notice how I see the contents of the songs differently now, in the extended autumn of my life (hahaha!)
But enough trivia. No, wait, one more piece – once again the cover is designed by my daughter Linda, who appears on the back of the paperback, as the face of Jessie. Maybe I mentioned this before, it’s a nice memory and worth a second visit.
Now, finally, onto the story: The book starts with George regretting murdering Jessie the tyro.
While rereading this chapter, I noticed at times I have a habit (or style) of writing short sentences, especially when it comes to emotional turmoil. I think the reason behind this is, (based on my own reactions probably) when (I) someone is suffering or confused, because of some sort of emotional trauma, (I) they don’t think in long, creatively flowing sentences but express themselves in stabbing statements, caused by a bombardment of reasons and ideas that appear randomly in the mind and with no cohesive connection. A kind of staccato thought chain.
The chapter also touches on the growing theme of George’s relationship to his father. I would not say that his character at this point is based on any direct personal knowledge I have of anyone, or myself, as my own relationship with my dad is shadowed by the sense of fear, which means I can’t remember him or anything we shared. I also can’t remember him having ever hit me… and yet, the idea of him and violence are definitely linked – to me and my childhood. I struggle to remember a happy moment. This is really sad actually, because now that I am a father, I feel I understand better the pressures, and worries he might have had, and that somehow it is terribly wrong of me not to have some happy memories of him. After all, he was my dad and deserves respect. I would not say forgiveness as this is and never was my position. It’s complicated. Maybe one day I will ask my brother Tony, – look at the darkness that fills the spaces, and turn this childhood fear of the dark, into the shadow of a teddy bear, as it deserves.
As for George’s behavior, I think this is based more upon the social inputs I have had in my life from talking to other people, plus my own fantasy – creating a reaction to such a situation.
At some point the writer must influence the story, surely? (smile)
The second half of the chapter is dedicated to Jessie’s relationship with her dad (and her WallScreen), which is very different to George’s. It’s lighthearted and fun-loving. George’s whole character seems to be rather self-centered, with a tendency towards feeling sorry for himself, while Jessie’s outlook is much brighter and far more cheerful.
In case anyone is curious George’s character is not built on his bereavement. It would be easy to have done it this way, but I didn’t. I find some people just seem to be naturally optimistic and full of hope, while others like to mope about and ooze pessimism.
Jessie is full of hope and sees things positively, naturally. This is shown by the very opening line of her story: ‘Murdered Jessie hugged herself.’
As for the rest of the chapter, well that is the ‘Story’ and it’s not necessary to tell you in short what I have worked so hard to say long. (smile) One last point though, is the expression ‘Bat Baby’ which, according to my research is a derogative term for an inexperienced or juvenile Goth – I find this really fits the image of Jessie and makes her even more adorable.
Well, that’s about it… look forward to next week and chatting again.
