Some chapters are harder to write than others.
This is the first chapter of Book Four, ‘Ei8ht‘ and the fourth year of trying to understand and accept the fact that I lost my own ‘Garden of Eden’. Reading it now refreshes the struggles I was going through at the time.
The opening chapter seems to challenge the concept or question: Should I move on or not? This is a recurring theme, spread across all seven books. In this chapter, however, Michael’s love for his wife is used to demonstrate it. I have exemplified it to support the argument that telling someone to ‘move on’ in such a situation is about as useful as telling them to breathe underwater. It is simply not possible. Miriam, his wife, his Eden, was his everything. Therefore, when she departed, life would not get better. And to show this I compared it to the exile of Adam from the Garden. Privately, I believe such emotional trauma/passion/love does exist, and the idea of losing such a love so deep and beautiful cannot be cured by moving on. Things do not improvement. Life after is simply a numbed survival.
But enough of that, let’s move on to a more light-hearted side of the chapter, and the description of the scene that takes place in Doctor Fanon’s office, a room that I, personally, would have loved to have owned. It is filled with objects, books, and paintings, all reflecting humanity’s struggle and passion. A pain and sorrow we all experience, and yet only a few have managed to portray. Doctor Fanon’s comment about all the many failed love songs is one example of this endless struggle. His room is a tribute to these failed attempts and… in one way, it reveals how lonely and empty he really is.
As you can see, this opening chapter has many layers (not to mention all the cross-references to literature and philosophy. I don’t add them to show off or sound clever, because I am neither. Everyone has different interests, that’s all.) It is a sad opening, yet somehow filled with hope, even though it shows my support for the argument that moving on is not always the answer. And, subconsciously, I feel it also shows Doctor Fanon senses this too, even though every book he has read tells him otherwise. In the chapter, I want to challenge the cliché that ‘the sooner you move on, the better’ is not accurate, but is in fact as superficial as it sounds.
But again, enough of this theme. This blog is not about my own personal opinions, but what I remember and what inspired me while I was writing it. Part of which was my secret, declaration of my continuing love for ‘Beatrice’ through Michael’s words for Miriam. Presenting the concept of ‘moving on’ as a trend rather than a solution. But this is not the purpose of the chapter. The real reason for this chapter was chosen to open book Ei8ht, is to put Michael momentarily in the position of God, or at least parallel to him; forcing him to decide whether or not, he would sacrifice his son for humanity. In this chapter it is Doctor Fanon’s task to present this question. He does not ask him to offer George up in death, but in a way that might, for some, be considered worse – to deliberately alienate himself from his son. To lose him forever, knowing he is alive, and yet knowing he is despised by him. Dying is easy (everyone does it), but being hated by everyone you care for can be a lot harder.
The way this is done is by moving from Hoffmann’s Olimpia to the internet and back again. To present the concept that the way the world looks, does not mean it is true. And only then can Doctor Fanon ask him.
Getting to this point, was not an easy task. The route was long and difficult. I spent an awful lot of time trying to find the right words and put them in the right order, with the intention of going full-circle. It needed to sound realistic, believable and convincing.
Today, reading it, I think I succeeded. But that doesn’t mean I have been. This is something only someone else can decide. All I can only hope.
